You don’t have to post about your mental health. We’ve come so far as a nation because people have been open enough to tell us how they feel mentally, but with this openness comes a certain level of expectation.
It was World Mental Health Day this week and I fell silent. I write about general health – including mental health – a lot. As a journalist, a lot of my most onerous times have made their way into some magazine or newspaper. Part of being a writer is allowing yourself to write about what you know, and with that comes responsibility to share a story that could help somebody out.
The first time I wrote about anxiety in Stylist Magazine I was inundated with messages thanking me for being open. I wrote an article for the Mail On Sunday about how the pill had made three women I interviewed suicidal and again, hundreds of women contacted me to tell me their stories. The pill – FYI – is still something I feel very strongly about educating women on.
A level of validation
I am such an advocate for people opening up about themselves. Whether you suffer from depression or you’re afraid to admit that you don’t have any mental health issues whatsoever incase you’re deemed ‘smug’. There has certainly been times in my life where I’ve kept my mouth shut if I’m not struggling as much as everybody else.
There are three reasons (as far as I can see) that people use social media to talk about mental health; for the likes, to help people and for validation. As much as I’d like to say my writing is just to help people, a lot of what I write is written for a level of validation.
The saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ has always been true for me. Since my house was broken into at university, I really struggle to stay alone at night. I didn’t tell anybody this for years because it seems so ridiculous – a grown adult who can’t sleep alone – but when I did, I realised I wasn’t the only one.
Yesterday my friend and I were both talking about our need to people please and how we struggle to just let things go without a clear resolution. If I’ve upset somebody, I’m the type of person who will go over that conversation in my head until my head feels like it’s about to explode. Most of the conversation is probably mis-remembered and dramatised anyway.
Talking about these feelings is the quickest way to shrink the space they take up in your head. Ultimately, social media gives you a big platform to do that. If you open up about something on social media, you won’t just get validation of your issue from one person, you’ll usually get in from several.
These posts do help
I think it’s easy to say that influencers ‘do it for the likes’ when it comes to opening up about mental health. I’m a writer; I know the tricks of the trade and being vulnerable is a sure fire way to get the media to write about you.
But, and this is a bit but, it really does help. I don’t care if in the moment they do it for themselves, because they have such a big impact on the whole make up of our attitudes towards mental health. When Millie Mackintosh wrote about her daughter’s hip dysplasia, thousands of women from around the country didn’t feel so alone anymore, bogged down with the pressure of a newborn baby and a diagnosis like that. There are hundreds of examples just like this.
My favourite post of the week was written by fitness influencer, Carly Rowena. She shared a selection of photos of herself looking completely happy. They’re the kind of photos that people would look at and think ‘I want to be that happy’. The caption read: ‘What do all of these photos have in common? Answer: I was unhappy.’
That hit me hard.
READ MORE: HOW TO ENJOY THE HAPPINESS OF THE PURSUIT
Why do we post on social media when we’re not happy?
It all comes back to validation.
I’m on social media the least when I’m at my happiest. It’s like when you go to a party and take absolutely no photos because you’re having such a good time you just forget. I went away with my friends for a whole week once and didn’t take one photo. Now, I love photos and I definitely don’t just take them when I’m having a crap time, but hopefully you understand my point.
When we’re feeling alone, upset, anxious, etc, posting on social media will give you a distraction. It gives you the validation that you need that you’re not alone. Perhaps it also gives you comfort in the knowledge that nobody else can see through the perception you’re putting out to the world.
Ha, let me fool you into thinking I’m happy with this photo of me laughing nonchalantly.
It’s ok to just be silent
In a world that is hellbent on telling you to speak up to help other people out, I think it’s important to say that it’s ok to not do that. Talking about our mental health has become less and less of a taboo subject and I am very grateful for that, but now there’s somewhat of a pressure, especially as a writer.
When I see somebody else write about their bad days, sometimes I feel almost guilty for not joining in. Maybe I’ve got experience in that area, maybe I should show my solidarity but also I’m really tired.
October is generally a dreadful month for me, which is quite odd considering I love autumn. I always suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, described by the NHS as a ‘type of depression which comes and goes in a seasonal pattern’.
The NHS says:
Symptoms of SAD can include:
- a persistent low mood
- a loss of pleasure or interest in normal everyday activities
- irritability
- feelings of despair, guilt and worthlessness
- feeling lethargic (lacking in energy) and sleepy during the day
- sleeping for longer than normal and finding it hard to get up in the morning
- craving carbohydrates and gaining weight
For some people, these symptoms can be severe and have a significant impact on their day-to-day activities.
At this time of year, I’d usually write articles about how to combat it, what it feels like, how to deal with the symptoms etc. but this year I just don’t want to. Each day I wake up and hope that it has lifted and thankfully it always does.
I just wanted this article to be a reminder that it’s ok to be an advocate for your feelings, it’s ok to be a supporter of others feelings, it’s also ok to be absolutely none of those things.
What do you think?
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