Going from one to two children

Going from one to two children is one of those frequently talked about things. Is it harder to go from 0-1 or 1-2? That’s one of the most common questions I’ve been asked since giving birth. I thought I’d share with you my first thoughts on being a mum of two.

I still can’t quite believe I’m a mum and now I’m a ‘mum of two’. Side note, I wrote the first two paragraphs quite a while ago (a month ago) and already so much has changed. It’s wild.

The newborn ‘season’

It’s 2.24am. I’m writing this with a baby in my arms and a toddler strewn the length of the bed. His feet are precariously placed at our heads whilst his head is nestled in a cloud of duvet cover. Every so often I have to catch his foot mid-sleepy kick.

Isaac never slept in our bed. To be honest, he doesn’t really need to now, but if he wakes up in the night we have little-no energy and just bundle him into the middle.

This is all a season.

Eventually Otis will move out of the next to me and into his own room. Isaac will migrate back to his ‘big boy bed’ which is being set up this weekend. These little moments are so fleeting.

That brings me to my first 1-2 children observation; I care less and it makes me a better parent.

0-1 is punctuated by worry because every little moment is a first. Bad sleep is always a phase in our house; as is good sleep. But, when you’re a first time parent with a baby who won’t sleep, it’s hard to know if you’ll ever sleep again. The second time around you know you will, so you just allow the exhaustion to sweep over you without the anxiety to go with it.

Lowering my expectations

I’m a very tidy person, as is my husband. First time around we managed to keep the house looking pretty presentable. This time around it’s not as easy.

We have piles of washing everywhere. I mean, everywhere. You know on The Sims when they’re so tired that they just throw their dishes on the floor and create a little pile of garbage? Imagine this, but with washing.

I have never seen so much washing.

Less time means that it’s harder to keep the kitchen clean, the playroom looks like it has been played in by 15 nursery kids by the end of the day, the nappy bins are always a bit too full – and the actual bins for that matter. The beds could do with being changed and the jobs list gets longer by the day.

With one child, you can do these jobs when they sleep. With two, there’s rarely a moment where neither of them need you at the same time. I didn’t really understand the feeling of being ‘touched out’ with just Isaac, but now I find it hard to recall the last time I didn’t have a human attached to me.

It gets easier quicker

When Otis was a proper newborn and James was still on paternity leave, I sat there and thought ‘what do I do if Isaac needs a wee while I’m feeding Otis?’ It filled me with anxiety. I couldn’t compute how I would manage.

How will I ever bath two of them at the same time? How will I arrive on time to anything ever again? How can I get two of them in the car? What happens if they both wake up at night at the same time and I’m here alone? These are some of the questions I didn’t know I would have.

The truth is, you quickly figure it out. I think I figured it out more quickly this time than with just Isaac, because I always needed back up from another parent who had done it before. This time, that parent is me.

Normality does return

Otis is three months old this weekend. Three months. Tonight I’ve given myself a full on pamper and now I’m sitting in bed finishing this blog post. Yes, life is still chaotic and the schedules of two children is a constant juggle, but there are moments of peace. It didn’t feel as though there would be at the start.

I definitely lost the sense of normality much more the second time around. I felt like I was just falling through the sky when I brought Otis home. It didn’t help that we’ve just moved, too, but I felt as though I was an audience member to my own life for that first week.

I didn’t get that so much with Isaac and I think that lockdown helped. Everything was slower, I wasn’t trying to rush two babies out the door for a toddler class that I stupidly booked for 9am.

I’m fortunate

I say this a lot and it’s because I want it to be known that I recognise this. Particularly because if you’re reading this and you don’t feel chilled after three months, you might think you should or feel like you’re doing something wrong.

You absolutely are not.

Both James and I work for ourselves and have super flexible schedules. James looks after Otis while I take Isaac swimming. When Isaac is having a tantrum, James can come down and tag team. Without a commute, we have more time in the mornings. These little things add up and make a huge difference.